5 Cases When You Should NOT Give to Others
Giving feels noble, but not all giving is good. When the balance between giving and receiving is off, it leads to resentment, toxicity, and burnout.
Let’s explore 5 situations where giving can do more harm than good.
The balance of giving and receiving is one of the most crucial concepts of life that is often ignored or not fully understood.
I remember my first utter shock when, a few years ago, I learned that it is always the receiver who has subconscious resentment towards the giver when there is an imbalance. Logically speaking, it should be the other way around. But think about it: how many times have you heard stories of couples where one side was taking care of the other, only to be cheated on and walked away from by the spouse they cherished so much? Or the relatives you keep helping and providing for, who would turn on you or let you down somehow? I am sure each of us has stories like that to share.
When we give to those who don’t deserve or truly want whatever we offer, we spread ourselves thin — eventually either finding ourselves in toxic relationships (personal, work, family, friendships, etc.) or depleting ourselves energetically, mentally, emotionally, and even physically.
So here are 5 cases when you should be very vigilant about giving:
1. OUT OF FEAR
When you're afraid of losing someone, you may give excessively to "keep" them. But love or loyalty born out of fear isn't sustainable.
2. OUT OF GUILT OR SHAME
Maybe you made a mistake and are now trying to make up for it, or you are uncomfortable with your success or favorable life circumstances and feel guilt and shame about it.
Genuine giving comes from love, not emotional debt. Otherwise, it will lead to a lot of resentment.
3. LACK OF APPRECIATION
When they don’t show appreciation and gratitude, or lack a genuine desire to get what you want to give, you are wasting your energy in vain. That is why people value services and material things that are expensive more, and often “disrespect” and disregard freebies.
4. TO CONTROL
Sometimes, giving becomes a tool of control and manipulation (think: parents, partners, bosses). Healthy giving is never transactional or coercive.
5. LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY
Helping someone who doesn’t want to help themselves—with money, unsolicited advice, emotional support, or connections—is not just wasteful, it can be toxic.
For example, if someone keeps having financial issues, by lending money to them, you rob them of the need to grow and learn their karmic lessons — eventually taking their bad karma onto yourself. So beware! By the way, that’s why in therapy, we don’t chase clients, especially those who can’t be bothered to do the work.
Which one resonates with you?
Let’s explore 5 situations where giving can do more harm than good.
The balance of giving and receiving is one of the most crucial concepts of life that is often ignored or not fully understood.
I remember my first utter shock when, a few years ago, I learned that it is always the receiver who has subconscious resentment towards the giver when there is an imbalance. Logically speaking, it should be the other way around. But think about it: how many times have you heard stories of couples where one side was taking care of the other, only to be cheated on and walked away from by the spouse they cherished so much? Or the relatives you keep helping and providing for, who would turn on you or let you down somehow? I am sure each of us has stories like that to share.
When we give to those who don’t deserve or truly want whatever we offer, we spread ourselves thin — eventually either finding ourselves in toxic relationships (personal, work, family, friendships, etc.) or depleting ourselves energetically, mentally, emotionally, and even physically.
So here are 5 cases when you should be very vigilant about giving:
1. OUT OF FEAR
When you're afraid of losing someone, you may give excessively to "keep" them. But love or loyalty born out of fear isn't sustainable.
2. OUT OF GUILT OR SHAME
Maybe you made a mistake and are now trying to make up for it, or you are uncomfortable with your success or favorable life circumstances and feel guilt and shame about it.
Genuine giving comes from love, not emotional debt. Otherwise, it will lead to a lot of resentment.
3. LACK OF APPRECIATION
When they don’t show appreciation and gratitude, or lack a genuine desire to get what you want to give, you are wasting your energy in vain. That is why people value services and material things that are expensive more, and often “disrespect” and disregard freebies.
4. TO CONTROL
Sometimes, giving becomes a tool of control and manipulation (think: parents, partners, bosses). Healthy giving is never transactional or coercive.
5. LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY
Helping someone who doesn’t want to help themselves—with money, unsolicited advice, emotional support, or connections—is not just wasteful, it can be toxic.
For example, if someone keeps having financial issues, by lending money to them, you rob them of the need to grow and learn their karmic lessons — eventually taking their bad karma onto yourself. So beware! By the way, that’s why in therapy, we don’t chase clients, especially those who can’t be bothered to do the work.
Which one resonates with you?
AUGUST 2025