Unpretty — or How Your Self-Criticism Can Slow Your Life
I’ve never shared this publicly before. Only people in my close circle and my therapist know this about me. But I feel like I need to talk about it—maybe selfishly, as part of my own healing journey, or maybe because I feel it might resonate and help someone—woman or man—with their own internal struggles.
If you only knew how many events, opportunities, meetups, and dates I’ve canceled, declined, or postponed simply because I wasn’t feeling confident in my own skin, which, inevitably, would affect my mood and self-worth.
For example, years ago, I rejected my friend’s proposal to go to Paris with him because I had a once-in-10-years cold sore (if you’ve been following me for a while, you probably know how much I love Paris, and my friend is local, so it was a great opportunity.) The funny thing is, even after all these years of self-work, I’d probably make the same decision again. And yes — it’s been eight years, and we’ve never had another chance to be in Paris at the same time and probably won’t.
If you only knew how many events, opportunities, meetups, and dates I’ve canceled, declined, or postponed simply because I wasn’t feeling confident in my own skin, which, inevitably, would affect my mood and self-worth.
For example, years ago, I rejected my friend’s proposal to go to Paris with him because I had a once-in-10-years cold sore (if you’ve been following me for a while, you probably know how much I love Paris, and my friend is local, so it was a great opportunity.) The funny thing is, even after all these years of self-work, I’d probably make the same decision again. And yes — it’s been eight years, and we’ve never had another chance to be in Paris at the same time and probably won’t.
One of the reasons I’m so ridiculously slow at creating video content and posting it on my YouTube or Instagram is because, more often than not, there is no filter in the entire universe of filters that can make me like what I see in the video — and, therefore, give me the guts to let others see it too (needless to say, I hate filters and feel like a total hypocrite when I use them).
So, I procrastinate — waiting for whatever condition I “suffer” from at the moment (allergies, acne, not tanned enough, too sunburnt, yet another cosmetic treatment side effect, a couple of extra kilos, hair too long or too short, bruises and veins on my legs, and other excuses I come up with) to pass, so I can "un-pause" my work and personal life (for instance, it took me a whole YEAR to record a simple set of exercises for raising your Kundalini).
And yet somehow, when my iPhone randomly shows me an old photo — one I absolutely hated at the time it was taken (like the ones I’m posting here from 2023) — I catch myself thinking: what exactly was wrong with that photo? Only to know I’d probably hate the one taken five minutes later even more. My friend Matt calls this body dysmorphia.
So, I procrastinate — waiting for whatever condition I “suffer” from at the moment (allergies, acne, not tanned enough, too sunburnt, yet another cosmetic treatment side effect, a couple of extra kilos, hair too long or too short, bruises and veins on my legs, and other excuses I come up with) to pass, so I can "un-pause" my work and personal life (for instance, it took me a whole YEAR to record a simple set of exercises for raising your Kundalini).
And yet somehow, when my iPhone randomly shows me an old photo — one I absolutely hated at the time it was taken (like the ones I’m posting here from 2023) — I catch myself thinking: what exactly was wrong with that photo? Only to know I’d probably hate the one taken five minutes later even more. My friend Matt calls this body dysmorphia.
A week ago, I saw a close-up video of a stylist I follow. I noticed her skin was also imperfect, yet I still see her as beautiful and chic.
Then I read a wonderful post by @philosophyissexy about a radiant woman in her senior years who wasted over 60 years not liking and accepting herself. And I thought — what a powerful message.
So, I asked myself: if I can be that kind and appreciative toward someone I don’t even know personally — or practically a fictional character — and obviously my friends, family, colleagues, and clients...Why on Earth can’t I extend that same kindness, love, acceptance, and appreciation toward myself?
At the end of the day, to paraphrase Matthew Hussey: “we have to make the decision to love ourselves like it's our job...parenting the one individual in 8 billion who is ours - we can't exchange ourselves for another human. We only get this one, and our job is to give this creature the best life we can, showing up for ourselves out of a sense of duty and responsibility. We have to stop looking for self-love's short-term rewards”.
Can you relate?
Then I read a wonderful post by @philosophyissexy about a radiant woman in her senior years who wasted over 60 years not liking and accepting herself. And I thought — what a powerful message.
So, I asked myself: if I can be that kind and appreciative toward someone I don’t even know personally — or practically a fictional character — and obviously my friends, family, colleagues, and clients...Why on Earth can’t I extend that same kindness, love, acceptance, and appreciation toward myself?
At the end of the day, to paraphrase Matthew Hussey: “we have to make the decision to love ourselves like it's our job...parenting the one individual in 8 billion who is ours - we can't exchange ourselves for another human. We only get this one, and our job is to give this creature the best life we can, showing up for ourselves out of a sense of duty and responsibility. We have to stop looking for self-love's short-term rewards”.
Can you relate?
JUNE 2025